Fill the Void

7

We were walking along Teresa street with my college friends when I asked a rhetorical question to everyone, how’s it going to be years from now?. At the spur of the moment, we had our muddled plans of working and living together in one house. Six years later, we are still here rummaging through life – some parted ways, some getting married and most of us get by.

I used to fail at maintaining friendship, Continue reading

The Sunday Currently | Week 33 / 52

Sunday Currently (1)

Reading
The verse of the day seemed appropriate to the current situation in the Philippines, Proverbs 2:8 Guarding the paths of justice, And He preserves the way of His godly ones. I pray that justice will prevail from all the ‘nanlaban’ rampant killings.

Writing
Hm, this Sunday Currently?

Listening
Bon Iver’s For Emma, Forever Ago album with the hit song, Skinny Love and friends, listen to The Blower’s Daughter by Damien Rice (OST of Closer 2004).

Watching
North Korea always strikes an interest so watching Netflix’s Propaganda Game (2015) quite amused me. Compared to other documentaries about the reclusive country, this film showed a balanced point of view including those of the loyal DPRK citizens and how its Western detractors generate ‘false propaganda’ against them. Remember, the so-called ‘state-approved haircut policy‘ and The Interview (2014)? Though it showed the autocratic government of the supreme leader Kim Jong-un, it also discussed some positive impact to its people. One of the film’s highlights is Alejandro, an unofficial ambassador the country who hails from Spain.

Thinking
If I should go to Japan in October and finally get the chance to walk in Shibuya Crossing.

Smelling/Wishing
Smelling efficascent oil as the moment, been feeling under the weather these past days.

Hoping
For a sunny weather tomorrow because we are visiting Ipoh for the holiday.

Wearing
Pajama and loose-fitting shirt

Loving
My beef sinigang in tamarind, I like how it turned out last night. Hot soup for the sick!

Wanting
Muster up the courage to go on a road trip in Cameron Highlands and sip tea in the cafe overlooking the sweeping Boh Plantation.

Needing
I need to regain inspiration for this online journal, maybe through films? I hope they show Filipino independent films in Malaysia. My overdue watch list includes Sunday Beauty Queen and my friends say, 100 Tula Para Kay Stella is also nice.

Feeling
Excited to go to Ate Ash and Kuya Ian’s baby shower party this afternoon. It’s been one week since I haven’t seen my churchmates!

Clicking
Super funny viral videos of ‘Batdad’, see for yourself : https://www.facebook.com/BatDadOfficial/videos/1545508938825930/

The Sunday Currently was originally created by SiddaThornton

A Rite of Passage

A Rite of Passage
This was my first office desk almost 6 1/2 years ago. People come and go, looks have matured, changed roles, office relocation, and overseas assignment. This week I am reminded of the adage, if something is meant for you, it shouldn’t come with any complications. It simply lands right under your nose by chance, at its own pace, under someone’s free will. In contrary, a close friend told me in the interest of a riveting conversation that if you really want something, regardless of the roadblock from your goal, you have to fight for it. These two opposing views somehow helped me move on to life’s next chapters.

I believe there’s a different kind of gratification for those who anticipate this kind of change in the corporate life. Above all else, “What is done in love is well done. – Vincent van Gogh”.

On short hair prejudices

short hair

A brawny looking man came up to me and told he’s the one cutting my hair. I was slightly taken aback as I show him a photo of the undercut I want. I have to remind myself, I am in a salon and not in a barber shop. Seated, looking at myself in the mirror, I contemplated for a couple of minutes before I finally decided, let’s do it! With my closed eyes and pounding heartbeat, I let him shaved my hair.

I was known for having the best-maintained hair in my early teenage years. My classmates often asked the brand of shampoo I used to which I replied with a classic advertisement tone from Rejoice, “Sinuklay ko lang yan!”. Long, black silky hair na sumusunod sa galaw! It was my crowning glory until a classmate accidentally cut my hair after playing scissors that formed twig-like features over my head. (Hi Franclin, if you are reading this. Hello! Hahaha). My younger self cried like a baby as I envisioned bullying out of this uneven hair. The pillars of our high school classroom knew the pressures of a growing teenager in the suburbs of Bulacan. It felt like I had to follow certain trends to be relevant. Anyone here ever heard of elephant pants?

In my pre-#YOLO hair adventure years, I swore in keeping my mane long and black. My office mates in PH can attest to this, I tediously curled my hair from six in the morning and arrive at meetings in full hair and make-up (and sometimes small slight burns on my arm because of iron curler, the struggle was real).

It took me 25 years of existence to learn not to fully depend on aesthetic affirmation from other people. Hairstyle preference is subjective. I have nothing against long hair-loving folks but sharing my thoughts in the interest of starting this short hair movement.

It was 2015 Valentine’s Day, when I decided to finally have my shortest haircut. I’ve been wanting to try a pixie cut or maybe distract myself in my singlehood on this particular day. Either of the reasons, I proceeded.

A colleague politely asked if I am a lesbian after cutting my hair so short, I promptly provided “No” as an answer. As much as my gay best friends would love to, it is clearly not my cup of tea. Believe it or not, I have grown into this circle of friends respecting all gender preferences and celebrating all kinds of love. Human nature says people tend to initially judge others based on their appearance, skin color, social status or how muscular one’s hairstylist is. It amused me how this pixie cut sort of became a social experiment.

In my case, short hair makes me look older. It exudes the certain feel of authority, a care-free attitude which translates to woman empowerment. Living by with the words: short hair, don’t care. Conversely, I am still taking the “you-look-younger-because-of-your-height” as a compliment folks.

If you’ve been eyeing to cut your hair, do it. Don’t fret, it’s just hair. Make your friends and family have a second look. Let them wonder how changing your look can appease your mood. Lifetime is too short with just a single hairstyle. You wouldn’t know if it fits you unless you try it. Mga sis, I know we all learned this from Basha but a heartbreak shouldn’t be the sole reason of chopping one’s hair.

Our generation has never been more receptive to those who challenge the norm redefining the standards of ~*beauty*~. From gorgeous transgenders winning pageants abroad, morena beauty queens, local celebrities showing stretch marks, full-figured female models or pixie cut of international public figures, we fully embraced these as the embodiment of what we depict as attractive.

I am maintaining this undercut for some time. Less hassle, less shampoo, and more hair cream. I find it appealing to pair this man’s hairstyle with effeminate fashion. Allow me to excuse myself as I step out of the box with this undercut wearing a bright dress, red lipstick, and high heels.

Cheers, bro! *virtual fist bump*

The Rest is Noise

The Reast

There is a similar title published by Lourd De Veyra via Spot.ph and a non-fiction book by Alex Ross. In pursuit of finding the more important things in life, I fancy this phrase ‘the rest is noise’. There is beauty in silence, in the hushed sound of your own breathing, birds chirping outside the window or even the continuous sound of the room’s air conditioner is quite calming. Personally, stillness aids in bringing a total perspective of every situation.

As inaudible thoughts come into writing, allow me to pass on recent realizations. Foremost is how I consciously bring constant pain to others and endure a heavy burden on my chest afterward. My spiritual journey has become a cognitive process, a mindful effort to always do the right thing. Notwithstanding, I firmly believe that goodness naturally comes with people yet we are also capable of causing others to suffer. This moment of silence brought an emotional clamor, resulted into telling myself, “I should know better next time”. There is always something to be loved about a person, I just have to let love eventually wins. I say a prayer of forgiveness and courage to let go of my deep-seated resentment that comes with the fleeting sense of guilt.

Secondly, how series of circumstances tested my own principles. It’s challenging to stand ground when the universe seems to be tempting to go against one’s general truth. I guess I needed the pause and a step back as Ate Ed’s talk resonated in my subconscious. My younger self will cringe when I say this but in the truest sense, attending regular church service has been life-changing.

There is so much unnecessary noise in the real world and if we can only filter the good things like how we intend others to see us virtually, then we will be in total peace. Fortunately, that is not the case as certain uproars are essential for one’s growth. If you are resting in absolute peace, increase your volume frequency because you are still alive.

Sunday Currently Vol. 2

SUNDAY CURRENTLY

Reading

Nothing, in particular, just constant updates on Facebook. Okay, I’m reading the plot of some riveting movies and documentaries in IMDB playlists

Writing

Aside from this Sunday Currently, nothing else.

Listening

Soundcloud playlist dubbed as Vandals on the Wall’s 100 essential Filipino tracks of 2015, currently playing Nice Choreography by Stomachine.

Watching

Gaspar Noe’s Love which was released in 2015 Cannes Film Festival. It’s like Closer (2015) and Blue is the Warmest Color (2013) combined but intensified in some levels. I’m planning to watch Enter The Void (2009) by the same director soon.

Thinking

About having my first office-acceptable undercut, I need to wait for a few more weeks before I can shave sides of my hair. Emphasis on the office-acceptable because I don’t want to look like a lost, full-blooded rockstar princess in a corporate setting.

Smelling/Wishing

The scent of my freshly washed bed sheets. I prefer plain white bed linen, it gives the feel of sleeping in a hotel bed.

Hoping

For someone to buy me yeast and deliver it to my place. I want to bake soon but I’m so stubborn to go out. Friends, please buy yeast for me and I will cook for you.

Wearing

A comfy dress 🙂

Loving

I love how my beef bolognese turned out today, I came back to the home-cooking mode and loving it. I’m also baking chicken!

Wanting

To have the willpower to continue learning how to play the violin. Don’t get me started on what stage I am in now in this musical undertaking. Six months of infrequent self-study and I only know Twinkle Twinkle Little Star up to this date.

Needing

To process the refund for my unsuccessful remittance last Friday night. It’s my third time to have transaction issues about remittances, twice in Western Union and the first time in eRemit. I should get accustomed to this kind of frustration but oh well, still hassle.

Feeling

Content, I think it’s a positive feeling of not wanting more nor less. Does it equate to genuine happiness? I think so 🙂

Clicking

Researching about Sundance movies and watching the trailers.

The Sunday Currently was originally created by SiddaThornton