#TBT circa 2014

Excerpt from old journal.

I can’t sleep then I remember I consumed three cups of brewed coffee yesterday. As I lay and stare at the ceiling, I started to think of you and our parallel universe – two different poles that always meet. I can’t stop thinking about you as my heart palpitates. You weren’t just there to save me from this occasional insomnia, just like before.

I tried to hold on to something that wasn’t there anymore. Now, what I only know or feel is I terribly miss you and I would understand if you’re not coming back. I want you to be truly happy and feel loved — like you always wanted. I’ve inflicted so much pain to you before and it all boils down to me, now — and I don’t know why.

I tried to coerse my emotions but I keep looking back at your glasses and just see my reflection. You wouldn’t expect me to dedicate a piece of literature for you but I’m writing as I free my mind, my exact sentiments. This is the first and last time I’m writing for us. I fought for you, for us. I was ready to proclaim the special space we have created when you realized you’ve been hurt long enough and needed to find your happiness. You weren’t just there anymore, just like before.

From hereon, I set my thoughts of you free together with my prayer that you find utmost happiness and love. I seem not to care but you know, it’s not the truth.

Feel free to assume because this time I’m sure about you. I will sleep as I weep for all the regrets, words unsaid and the mutual love we never had.

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