The best love songs were written with a broken heart. Does my current state makes me extract all the creative juices out of me? Because girl, ang saya ko.
I don’t need to wait for another heartbreak to write a journal, all I needed was an afternoon Kopiko 78 drink and boom.. sleeplessness! I heard from my current celebrity lodi that is Joyce Pring, when you can’t sleep, get up and do something else until you fall asleep. So here I am typing this one away at 2:39AM in the hopes of sleeping at erm.. 6am? I am on-leave tomorrow until Thursday so safe to wake up late + I am on the Philippines soil, mga kabayan.
2019, WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN?
I didn’t expect my 2018 to end with many wonderful surprises. Originally planned to spend my remaining mandatory leaves for the year meditating alone in my room and just casually celebrate NY with Feast family, but things didn’t go according to my plans — it became better. I was with my Feast friends the entire time, every single day explored KL, cooking session + hanging out in Happy Home, ate street food in Jalan Alor, took a lot of photos in Petronas Tower and shared life stories until 4am in Mcdonalds Bukit Bintang. We were having such a great time, we lost track of the time in most days.
I have been single for as long as I can remember, third-wheel for all seasons who always used the panget ba ako? meme to divert people’s concern on my year-long singlehood. Mga tita, okay lang po ako, darating din po ang “the one” sa right time or kapag ready na po syang maging “the one”. Then segway, na pa-cute si ate girl on the side. There was a point where I was under an immense pressure to be in a relationship because all my siblings have partners already (I am the eldest, lol) but personally, I only want to commit to someone that I feel is right.
What I realized is on the X years of waiting, I focused on improving my character, knowing the things that I want & don’t want and yes, discipleship. I used to pray for a person, but Yani once mentioned to me to pray for the character of a person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Then I prayed for courage, not for me, but for “the one” whoever he is. I really want to be pursued hence I silently prayed for his courage without anyone particular in mind.
When I totally lifted my state of love life to God, that’s when an old friend commented in my journal and gradually, things started to fall into place. Through discipleship, I met my boyfriend. I believe love is easy if it’s the right person. Not the best advisor for love at this point but I know it’s a continuous work in progress. Every day, I learn new things about him and it makes me realize that these are all the shared values that I have been praying for. In one of the LGs, Yen mentioned that when you seek God first, all the goodness flows from there. It’s true, it makes you appreciate all the grace and you will be amazed how even the smallest things are in accordance with His greater plan. It’s also a liberating mindset knowing that nothing is perfect, remember the snippet of my journal last November about love? Two individuals with different backgrounds working on interdependence, at the end of the day, it’s always a choice.
It’s so easy to love a person because of the good side, what makes love real is choosing them despite your differences and helping them become a better person.
Hello, you’re reading this. Going back to the first thing that attracted you to me, my writing. Naks! Turned out reader pala ng blog ko ang “the one”. Thank you for bringing more color in my OFW life and for all the things that you do to make me happier, wiser and kinder – a better person in this short period of time.
The world awaits our love story, MM/DM. Ganito talaga sa showbiz lol. ❤