State of Discontent

unnamedWith all the things falling apart right in front you, questioning yourself over and over again, โ€œDid you do your best?โ€ and knowing that you lacked to do certain actions that might make things work. Is it regret? The self-awareness that goes with “hey damn, I failed on this one! Let us see how will I prove my worth again in other things?” And for all you know, there goes a series of unfortunate events that unfold one by one failing to answer your second question above. You will go home ranting about how frustrated and unproductive you are today saying okay, tomorrow is another day to fight. To fight with procrastination, with demotivation, with weariness — all these self-imposed negativities.

This afternoon a colleague informed me that whenever she sees me, she can’t help but be proud of what I have become – her remembering my humble beginnings even though we didn’t really work together. This made my day, thank you! These simples gestures go a long way. Maybe it is God’s way of saying hey, it’s okay. Slow progress is still progress – even if you fail in-betweens.

How ironic how five years ago, all the things you have been praying for are here right now yet at times, you are in a state of discontent. Not a single person brought you to this state, in fact, you are puzzled by how a good environment and the nicest people around can make you feel this way. New different level of challenges makes you hope that things are far simpler.

I bought a book entitled Grit by Angela Duckworth, about how the answer to all success is passion + perseverance. I used to be so passionate in all the things that I do, maybe, just maybe that’s what’s lacking now. I need to find my way in reigniting on what’s lost or diminished before it gets the best of me.

Patting myself in the back and saying okay, this is just a phase. Unfortunate things happen so it’s normal to feel this way. This time, I am on the verge of failure but how can I do things differently because I can’t wait for the good things to start flowing again. Self, what’s the next action item?

Also, sometimes, you just need a hug.


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